Thursday, February 14, 2013

Sam Beckett Meets Seth and Shem on a Pier Where Pretty Girls Did Formerly Sit: lines from a letter to Rufo Quintavalle

                                           Somewhere by the sea. 
                                       They greet each other. 
                                          They jaw thus.
                    - What brings you proximate
                                to these suspending waters?
                    -Thirst and thirst's algorithm.
                   - You don't say.
                    - In passing only, we're off. Would you? 
                     - Sadly I must decline your fondness.
                             Must get back to beans on toast. 
                                 The firth of tea. My employer 
                                  Joyce waits in near-darkness    
                         darkness. His bottom threatens 
                         - Ai! The Battle of Pile-Hastings.
                         - Indeed.
                         - Then ciao it is. 
                         -  Of course.

                                                They take leave 
                                                beneath an immediate 
                                                tin sky. 

Sunday, February 10, 2013


Dear Friend(S),
I am the manager of bill and exchange at the foreign remittance Department of BANK OF Africa (B.O.A) here in Ouagadougou, Burkina Faso. In my department we discovered an abandoned sum of US$ 27.5 Million dollars in an account that belongs to one of our foreign Customer (MR. PAUL LOUIS from Paris , France ) who died along with His entire family in July 2003 in a plane crash. Since we got information about his death we have been expecting his Next of kin to come over and claim his money because we cannot release it Unless somebody applies for it as next of kin or relation to the Deceased as indicated in our banking guidelines and laws but unfortunately we learnt that all his supposed next of kin or relation died alongside with him at the plane crash leaving nobody behind for the claim. It is therefore upon this discovery that I now decided to make this business proposal to you and release the money to you as the next of kin or relation to the deceased for safety and subsequent disbursement since nobody is coming for it and we don’t want this money to go into the bank treasury as unclaimed bill. The banking law and guideline here stipulates that if such money Remained Unclaimed after eight to nine years, the money will be transferred into the bank treasury as unclaimed fund. The request of foreigner as next of kin in this transfer is unquestionable by the fact that the customer was a Foreigner and a Burkina cannot stand as next of kin to a foreigner. I agree that 40% of this money will be for you as a respect to the Provision of a foreign account, and 60% would be for me Thereafter, I Will visit your country for disbursement according to the percentage indicated Therefore, to enable the immediate transfer of this fund to you arranged, you must apply first to the bank as relation or next of kin of the deceased indicating your bank name, your bank account number, your Private telephone and fax number for easy and effective communication And location where in the money will be remitted. Upon receipt of your reply, I will send to you by fax or email the text of the application.

I will not fail to bring to your notice this transaction is hitch-free and that you should not entertain any atom of fear as all required Arrangements have been made for the transfer, please treat this business with utmost confidentiality and you should contact me immediately as soon as you receive this letter. I am Mrs. Rose Benson. I am a deaf woman from Israel but now undergoing medical treatment in Abidjan the capital city of Ivory Coast. I am married to late Mr. Benson Joe, who worked with Israeli Embassy in Ivory Coast for Eleven years before he died in the year 2008, after a brief illness that lasted for only Ten days. We were married for Eighteen years without any child. After the death of my husband I vowed to use our wealth for the down trodden and the less privileged in our society. Recently, My Doctor told me that I may not last for the next seven months due to cancer problem, though what disturbs me most is my stroke and deaf problem. Haven known my condition I decided to Serve God with our wealth. When my late husband was alive we kept the sum of ($6.4 Million U.S. Dollars)six million four hundred thousand united states dollars Having known my condition I decided to Give out this fund to a  church or an individual or better still a God fearing person who will utilize this fund the way I am going to instruct here in. I want an individual that will use this fund to provide succor to the poor and indigent persons, orphanages, widows around him or her and Schools etc. As soon as I receive your response I shall give you the contact where the consignment box that contain the money was deposited also issue you the documents that will prove you the present beneficiary of this fund. Any delay in your reply will give me room in searching for an individual for this same purpose, always be prayerful all through your life. Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I Stated herein. I work with a bank In West Africa, Burkina Faso. I have a business transaction for you. In my department we discovered an abandoned sum of $10.5Million US Dollars In an account that belongs to one of our foreign customer who died along with his entire family in a Bomb blast in Iraq Since his supposed next of kin died along side with him at the Bomb blast, there is nobody to claim the left over balance in the account. It is therefore upon this discovery that I and other officials in my department decided to seek your assistance and present you to the bank as his Next of kin. If you accept I would give you the guide lines of how we can achieve this transfer of the balance (10.5Million Dollars) to your account..and we will shear the money 50//50%.and note that this transaction is 100% risk free that you should not entertain any atom of fear as I have some documents to back you up for the claim. I expect that you will give me your telephone and fax numbers for easy communication with you and for more details. am writing with my personal respect in regards to my family venture in your country, I am researching for Good firm as a reliable, Trustworthy and God fearing. I got your contact through the help of chamber of commerce in Abidjan the Capital of COTE D'IVOIRE. In deed I am the wife of Late MR KOVO DOUGLAS from Sierra Leone . I and My two children are presently staying in Burkina Faso as Refugees; my husband was one of the Ministers of Johnny Paul Koromah's regimes in Sierra Leone.
During the intervention of the ECOLOGY Soldiers to restore the presidency of Alhaji Tejan KABBAH from Johnny Koromah’s, my husband was among the 23executed Ministers. As our breadwinner is dead (my husband) and our stays in Sierra Leone are no more save, I and my two children decided to move to Burkina Faso a Neighboring African Country for safety. Dueto our Status in Burkina Faso as refugees I was forced to Lodge our family funds (USD $25million) in finance house. Ever since then we have been receiving help from our Mission, because we are staying in one of the Visitor's villa in the church premises and attends Fellowship and worship fully. I hope you will be Touched to understand my request. We have agreed to invest our money valuable in any overseas country through your assistance and
You will provide or look for a lucrative venture
where this money can be
invested on, before proceeding, we will get to be more familiar and also go into an Understanding working agreement because our family's Future now depends on this money. The boxes containing the money and treasures were all deposited and Registered as a family treasures. This was done for Security reasons. We  would like to know what you will take as your Percentage for assisting us.
We sincerely wish to introduce and make you our Business partner and overseer of our
country. We are prepared to send all the documents regarding to this deposit as soon as you show you're immediate Response Email. Do not fail to give me your telephone and fax numbers. My name is David  Andros  I am from Greece Please take this serious, I am taking this liberty anchored on strong desire to ask for your assistance for help. Your consent and urgent attention will greatly be needed, devoid of apprehensions. I have been diagnosed with Esophageal cancer. It has defied all forms of medical treatment, and right now I have only about a few months to live,
to medical
I have not particularly lived my life so well,
as I never
for anyone (not even myself) but my business. Though I am very rich, I
was never generous, I was always hostile to people and only focused on
my business as that was the only thing I cared for. But now I regret all this as I now know that there is more to life than just wanting to have or make all the money in the world. Now that I have been diagnosed with this deadly disease I have willed and given most of my property and assets to my immediate and extended family
members as well as few close friends, I lost my wife and son in a fatal accident a few  years ago I have decided to give alms to charity organizations, as I want this to be one of the last good deeds I do on earth. So far, I have distributed money to some charity organizations in the U.A.E, Somalia and Malaysia. Now that my health has deteriorated so badly, I cannot do this myself anymore. I once  asked members of my family to close one of my accounts and distribute the money, which I have there to charity organization in Bulgaria and Haiti, they refused and kept the money to themselves. Hence,
I do not trust
them anymore, as they seem not to be contended with what I have left for them. The last of my money, which no one knows of, is the huge cash deposit of five  Million United States Dollars($5,000,000) that I have with a Finance Vaulting Unit in Europe.
I will want you
to help me collect this deposit and dispatch it to charity organizations.
I am willing to offer
you a reward If you are willing to help. please when replying indicate Your full name email, cell phone number so that My personal confidant will call you and give you details on how the funds will be  transferred to It will be a surprise for you to receive this mail. I am Mr. Mohamed Harry, the director of accounts & auditing dept, at the bank of Africa Ouagadougou-west Africa . With due respect, I have decided to contact you on a business transaction that will be beneficial to both of us. At the bank's last accounts/auditing evaluations, my staffs came across an old account which was being maintained by a foreign client who we learnt was among the deceased passengers of an air line crash on 25th July 2000. Since the deceased was unable to run this account since his death. The account has remained dormant without the knowledge of his family since it was put in a safe deposit account in the bank for future investment by the customer. Since his demise, nobody, not even the members of his family have applied for claims over this fund and it has been in the safe deposit account until we discovered that it cannot be claimed since our customer is a foreign national and we are sure that he has no next of kin here to file claims over the money. As the director of the dept, this discovery was brought to my office so as to decide what is to be done. With the few personnel in my dept, we decided to seek ways through which to transfer this money out of the bank and out of the country too. The total amount in the account is Fifteen million dollars (USD$15, 000,000.00). With our positions as staffs of the bank, we are handicapped because we cannot operate foreign accounts and cannot lay bona fide claim over this money. The customer is a foreign national and you will only be asked to act as his next of kin and
I will supply you
with all the necessary information’s and bank data to assist you in being able to transfer this money to any bank of your choice where this money could be transfer into. I and my partners have decided to give away thirty (30%) to you for your assistance and ten (10%) for any expenses that might arise during the transfer of this transaction.
I want to assure you
that this transaction is absolutely risk and hitch free transaction to you, since
I work
in this bank which is why you should be confident in the success of this transaction because you will be updated with information as at when desired and I will please wish you keep this transaction secret and confidential. Upon your reply I will send to you the details and text of application which you are going to fill and send to the bank for the claiming of the said fund into your bank account. May ALLAH help you to help me to a restive retirement Amine! Thanks and remain blessed, Mr Mohamed Harry. Dear Allah elected one. I am glad to know you, but Allah knows you better and he knows why he has directed me to you at this point in time so do not be afraid. I saw your e-mail contact at Tunisian ministries of commerce and foreign trade departments .  I am writing this mail to you with heavy sorrow in my heart, My Name is Elham Farah. And am contacting you from my country Tunisia I want to tell you this because I don’t have any other option than to tell you
as I was touched to open up
to you, I am married to Mr. Toyo Farah who worked with Tunisia embassy in Burkina Faso for nine years before he died in the year 2005.We were married for eleven years without a child. He died after a brief illness that lasted for only five days. Since his death I decided not to remarry, When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of US$ 8.2m(Eight million two hundred thousand dollars)in a bank in Ouagadougou the capital city of Burkina Faso in west Africa Presently this money is still in bank. He made this money available for exportation of Gold from Burkina Faso mining. Recently, My Doctor told me that I would not last for the period of seven months due to cancer problem. Whoever that wants to serve Allah must serve him in spirit and Truth because Allah is the Most High, Please always be prayerful all through your life. The one that disturbs me most is my cancer sickness. Having known my condition I decided to hand you over this money to take care of the less-privileged people, you will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct herein. I want you to take 30 Percent of the total money for your personal use While 70% of the money will go to charity" people in the street and helping the orphanage. I don't have any child that will inherit this money and my husband relatives are not good not even good at all because they are the one that responsible for the death of my late husband in other to have all my late husband properties and I don't want my husband's efforts to be used by those that conspired for his death.
I grew up as an
and I don't have anybody as my family member, just to endeavor that the name of Allah is maintained. I am doing this so that Allah will forgive my sins and accept my soul because this sickness has suffered me so much. As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the bank in Burkina Faso and I will send authority letter that will prove you the present beneficiary of the money in the bank that is if you assure me that you will act accordingly as I Stated herein. I'm Miss BARKISSA ADAMS, the only daughter of Hajji Adams, a citizen of Burkina Faso, west Africa. This business that I'm talking about is a business worth of Five million, Five hundred thousand united states dollars (USD 5.5 million) 15 years ago, My father Hajji Al Adams established a gold mining company in Ouagadougou Burkina Faso. The company was established in partnership with Engineer John Andrea Belly, an American who died In the year July 2002 at the age of 86 years. Before he died, he did spent most of his life right in my country without presenting anybody as a next of kin in case of if anything happens. This Two Party's made a Joint money deposit in the bank of Africa, Ouagadougou branch Burkina Faso some years back. The money was deposited jointly, in the sense that the two must be present before any withdrawal. Now my Father is Dead In The Year 2005, his partner is dead Also and the company is dilapidation. I being the only child of Hajji Al Gazzini is presently the only person in control of the situation. I Am The Only Daughter I Have No Power To Claim This Money If Not Some One Out Side The Country To Stand As The Nest Of Kin To My Fathers Partner, Now my problem is how I can withdraw this deposited money so that I can use it to take care of things like rehabilitating of this company, paying of the workers and keep the company functioning again. But withdrawing of this money will not be possible without a next of kin to this my Father’s partner. In fact that is why I wrote you, for you to stand as the next of kin to this ( Eng Belly) I want you to know that this transaction is risk free, your duty is just to represent via emails and phone calls. I don't know how much percentage you will take from me. But in my mind, I budgeted 30% for you out of the total money. I do not expect any expenses to come up following the transferring of this money, but should such thing arises along the way, together we are going to take care of it. If not for anything but for me to have trust in you, for me to know that you are capable of handling the transaction. Since the death of my father / His partner Mr. belly, I must confess that I've never slept with two eyes closed, always thinking of how to get this money transferred before it turns to bank's Treasury, that is why when I saw your contact in my search, immediately I developed interest and confident that you are the right person that will make my dreams come true. Indeed, I would want the word TRUST to be the key word following this coming together of ours. More so, I want you to know that the procedures following this transaction will not suppose to exceed the period of 7 bank working days from the day the letter of claim is being submitted to the bank. On receipt of your reply, I will send you a drafted letter of claim that you will fill and send to the bank as the next of kin to this my father / His partner. With the exact information's that I will give you, the bank will approve the money in your name, followed by the payment. In conclusion, we need to see each others’ photo's so that we can be able to explain ourselves which I believe it's very important, including your phone number and your location. I will be waiting to hear from you, NB, The Eyes Of Our Government Is On This Money, Which Means We Must Be Very Fast If You Are Interested To Help Me Out, (VERY IMPORTANT) Good day and remain blessed. This very confidential request should not come as a surprise to you. But it is because of the nature of what is happening to me and my family urged me to contact you. I had already sent to you this same letter two weeks ago, but I am not sure if it did get to you since I have not heard from you since then. I got your mail address through South Africa Chamber of Commerce, which I understood is not the best way to contact you because of the nature of my request and the urgent attention it requires. My name is MRS. MARY KHUMALO, the wife of late MR.JERRY KHUMALO of Bettsbridge Zimbabwe. At the height of the present political crises in our country, in which the white farmers in our country are being killed and ripped off their belongings by the supporters of our president, Mr. Robert G. Mugabe, in their efforts to reclaim all the white owned farms in our country. My husband and my eldest son were brutally killed to a painful death in their struggle to protect some white farmers who ran to take refuge in our farm. My husband, during his life on earth was a prominent indigenous farmer and also trades on Oil, Diamond and Gold of which you can see through my late husband's company picture above. He publicly opposes the crude policies and crime against humanity on the white farmers by Mr. Robert Mugabe and his followers. As a result of which the president followers invaded my husband's farm, burnt down everything and brutally killed him and my eldest son due to their role in trying to protect these white farmers on February 2008, and using media law restriction to protect their wicked acts. That not being enough, the president and his followers after winning the last Undemocratic Elections decided to confiscate assets of our black indigenes who are opposing his policies and who support the white farmers, along with the assets of these white farmers themselves, which are being presently confiscated. I therefore decided to move my second son and my only daughter to the Republic of South Africa for safety of our lives, where we presently seek for political asylum, temporarily. During my husband's life on earth, he had WILLED the sum of Fifteen million Six hundred Thousand United States dollars (US$15,600.000.00) for our family before he met his untimely death on that faithful day. This he had deposited with a finance and security company in the Republic of South Africa from where he operates most of his Gold and Diamond trades to our country. In view of this and with the present clamp down, killing and confiscation of assets of supporters of the white farmers presently in our country, I therefore humbly wish to notify you of my intention to use your name and address as my Trustee in lifting our money out of Africa finally, to any of your oversea account and also seek for your honest and trustworthy assistance to help me clear and accommodate this money when it gets over to your account, before it is dictated out and confiscated by the president Mugabe’s regime. Myself and my children have agreed to make the under listed provisions: 1.That 20% of this total money will be given to you for your assistance in clearing and accommodating this fund. 2. That 10% of the total money will be set aside for taxation and any other expenses that might be incurred in the course of this transaction, while the remaining 70% will be for me and my family for our future investment purposes which will depend on your assistance. Please I hope you will grant and view this very request with favor and much understanding of our current situation, and will be a very honest and reliable person to deal with, and also bearing in mind the confidential nature of my request to yourself to protect my family and yourself rendering the help. (READ CAREFULLY AND KEEP SECRET)  I am (Mr. Alasan Brama) A Senior Staff In File Department in African Development Bank(A.D.B) Burkina Faso West Africa , I want to inquire from you if you can handle this transaction for mutual benefits/life opportunity for you and me. The transaction is about seeking your consent to present you as the next of kin/ beneficiary of the US$ 15.. MILLION DOLLER, (FIFTEEN MILLION U.S.A DOLLARS), which belongs to one of our customer here in my bank. He died in a Kenya plane crash 2003, with his family during their vacation journey. The Fund is currently in a suspense account awaiting claim, the bank made a public notice that they are ready to release this fund to any of his relatives abroad.. THEREFORE, by virtue of its nature as being utterly CONFIDENTIAL, top secret should be maintained please!, because I am still in the active service I do not need any form of implication especially now I’m in the verge of my retirement to endanger my career at last!.. Since we got the information about his death, we have been expecting his next of kin to come over and claim his money because we cannot release it unless somebody applies for it as next of kin or relation to the deceased as indicated in our banking guidelines and laws. In that regard, I decided to seek your consent for this prospective opportunity. Have it at the back of your mind, that the transaction does not involve any RISK, and does not need much engagement from you, since I am familiar with this kind of transaction being an insider... Necessary modalities will be worked out to enable us carry out the fund claim under a legitimate arrangement. I have resolved to offer you 30% of the total fund, 10% for sundry expenses that may be incurred during the process of executing this transaction and 60% percent for me.
I will give you more details about the transaction when I receive your affirmative response and call +226 78 30 06 70. for more clarification information.

We wait for your kind response.

Yours sincerely

A Numinous Congregation
Of the offices
Of Various Bill and Exchange Managers
Bank of Africa (BOA)
Ougadougou, Burkina Faso
And at least one hospital bed in Tunis,  Tunisia.

Dear Friends,

I don’t blame you for this effort; in fact, I admire its obvious purpose. I am not a rich man, here in this  country where I live, yet I understand by your standards, the standards of someone living in Ouagadougou, Burkina Faso I am indeed a wealthy man. I have a house, a car. I never miss a meal, unless I choose to. I live in a state – Kansas – which is nearly crime free, and there is stability wherever I look, more or less. Our government, however much people complain about its greed and its inefficiency and so forth, functions and does so in a more or less competent manner. I must confess that like most Americans – in fact, I’m not American I am a Canadian citizen but for argument’s sake let us assume that I am an American and that a black man Barack Hussein Obama is my president, though I did not vote for him I would certainly have done so had I been permitted – I know nothing about your country, or the country you claim to be from. I  would ask you what the weather is like where you are, if I was not afraid of seeming as ignorant as I am but will refrain and instead tell you right now, here, in Kansas, the weather is about to change from cold and snow, frigid temperatures and punishing winds to spring when the snow melts and the sun warms the ground, and people put off their thick sweaters and heavy boots, and people move outside into the sun once more.  What I shall do is assume it is warm where you are and wish you a pleasant day.


Jon Cone 

Thursday, February 7, 2013

A Page From Jodorowsky's Notebook