allude to Shakespeare by 'using' a language

THAT IS ‘KIND OF LIKE’ ENGLISH BUT PLAINLY MORE STUPID



If a freaking yeti were to walk into the café where I brood
like a hammer in a sack I would be like all, ‘hey yeti, fuck off,
I hate you!’ and the yeti would be crying and shit and then
he would get up exit pursued by a bear and I would be like
laughing my ass off, then I would begin weeping myself etc.
but with serviette or some such paper product placed against
mine own ‘gorgeous’ face so as to kind of disguise my tears
as if such betrayed a weird tic or seizure or something.